You learn a lot when you camp with your family on top of an active volcano! Wait – before you call Child Protective Services, please know the kids were very safe. The volcano is well monitored, since it is Yellowstone National Park!
Besides the incredible wildlife and the intriguing geothermal features, I was fascinated with the trees particularly the lodgepole pines. These evergreens atop long, spindly trunks are perfectly suited for life there. They even have a special pine cone that requires fire to release its seeds and since the area is prone to forest fires, it’s a good fit! A force that normally destroys instead helps them flourish. They are beautiful, hardy trees.
They remind me of my grandmother (who incidentally is from a town called Lodgepole!) She’s beautiful and hardy! 90 years young, she has lived through the Great Depression, taught in a one-room school house, farmed, and ran a business. In her 70s she took up painting, winning awards and selling quite a few. Oh, the stories she can tell! From gathering “cow pies” for fuel as a girl to the travails of wheat farming, she has been through intense times. Situations and circumstances that would have destroyed others only made her stronger. Like the lodgepole pine.
Grandma has determination, integrity, and a tenaciously positive outlook that can stare down just about anything negative that comes her way. She’s known hard times and she knows how to not only survive, but thrive. She’s got character.
Character. That’s what I want my children to have. And character is one of many reasons families choose to homeschool – greater opportunity to shape and mold and build the character of their children. And how do we build character in our children?
Be intentional. When we teach our kids math, we have specific skills in mind. We follow a curriculum to be sure we cover everything they need to learn. Perhaps we need to be as intentional in their character training. Of course building character isn’t as simple as teaching concepts and a list of steps, but is much more complicated and involved since it deals with our deepest person and how we relate to the world around us. Not simple. Nonetheless, we should have a clear set of traits we hope to instill, perhaps even write them down almost like lesson objectives. Having them in black and white in front of us will help us be intentional.
Of course it doesn’t work so well to approach it like, “Today we are going to learn to be honest.” (If only!!) Instead, it’s catching the teachable moments to point out when someone was honest and talk about why honesty is important and showing the unpleasant results of being dishonest. I think we are more apt to make the most of those opportunities when we have a clear vision the final goal. We are more intentional when we know what we’re aiming for.
Do hard things. So much of our life is easy. In fact, sometimes it seems that’s the goal of our society – make things easy and comfortable. While there’s nothing wrong with comfortable and easy, it is not conducive to building character. Not that we want to make our kids tent out in the dead of winter or in some other way make their life miserable (after all home should be a haven and childhood should be stress-free), but we should teach them not to be afraid of doing hard things. Tackling that job that seems impossible. Setting that goal. Sticking with that commitment even if it’s uncomfortable. There is a certain satisfaction about seeing a difficult endeavor through to the end and we should give our kids a taste of that. It’s like enjoying the view from the mountaintop after a hard climb.
Example counts. It’s the old adage, “Actions speak louder than words.” Cliché, but so true. We need to exemplify what we hope our kids will be. (Talk about doing hard things!) “Do as I say and not as I do” has never worked.
GIGO effect. While I’m spewing forth clichés, here is another one – “Garbage In, Garbage Out.” If we allow our children to fill their minds with entertainment that is disrespectful, we can expect disrespectful children. If they constantly play violent video games, they will have a disregard for the value of life. On the other hand, if the books and movies and games they play are wholesome, that is what will come from them – wholesome qualities. Our thoughts and actions are shaped by what we take in.
Yet being rigid about entertainment and/or expecting everything to have a didactic purpose is neither healthy nor helpful, in my opinion. Setting hard rules doesn’t seem as valuable as teaching kids why certain shows or games are not appropriate and giving them skills to think through their entertainment choices. Our 12 year old made my day yesterday. He said to me regarding a movie he wanted to watch, “Mom, I read the review and I don’t think it is one we should own and watch over and over. But I think it would be OK for me to watch it with you and Dad just one time.” That made my day because I see that he is beginning to think for himself. Does this give him carte blanche? Of course not. Will I still look into the movie before he watches it? You bet! But that he took the approach he did makes me feel like he’s on the right path.
(Note: A resource we find helpful in evaluating media is www.pluggedin.com. The reviews and thorough and insightful.)
Practice. Just like everything else, the more we practice our character, the more it grows. OK, one more old adage – “I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand.” It is not enough for them to hear that these traits are important, it’s better that they see them lived out in us. And it’s even better that they have the chance to practice themselves. The more opportunities our children have to be responsible, to be kind, to work hard, the more likely they will be to understand the significance of these qualities.
Catch them in the act! Pointing out when our children are getting it right is essential. It underscores the importance of that particular quality displayed and it gives them a sense that they are on the right track. High expectations without encouragement can result in bitter, frustrated kids.
Like the top of a volcano, our world can be volatile and dangerous as well as a place of great beauty. I want my kids to have the character it takes to thrive and add to the beauty. Like the lodgepole pine. Like my grandma.
Copyright © 2013 J. Hoffman / GSN (NV)
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Email: JHoffman@GlobalStudentNetwork.com